‘Frank Zappa also had the wit to realise that sitting vegging out with a geetar hoping for a creative epiphany – or vicarious knowledge by osmosis – ain’t exactly gonna get you anywhere either. What he actually said was he distrusted musical colleges, and…..’ it cuts out!
My long diatribe in reply to an article lost to mankind and the energy required to pen such a radical riposte expended for nought. OK you blackguards, I’m not going away! I hate music colleges, what they represent and the bile they turn out, is that clear? From the nazi fundametalist jazz rock widdly-widdly tutors to the play along by number style of the musos they churn out.
Watch Jools Holland fr’Chrs’sake, all the tottering old rock heros backed by an industry army of nice clean college educated middle class boys and girls without a crumb of charm or groove.
Arrgghh, switch on a BBC4 mucic documetary. OK Stax records, the MGs, music, groove, the FEEL, man. I’m better now, Steve, don’t worry. You see music doesn’t begin or end on the guitar (really???). In fact it is a fairly inconsequential plank that most of you strugglers would do better chucking away. Truth is, if you don’t sound good on a crappy guitar you aint gonna sound good on an expensive one. Have a pedal, sir? A new pick? A lower action? A vintage amp..? Makes no difference if you suck, YOU SUCK. Robert Johnson needed no pedals to entertain, think about it. Now go out, learn a song and play to entertain without the gizmos. No can do?
OK, it’s not the end of the world.
That is not to say you are un-musical, possibly quite the oposite. Maybe your calling simply lies elswhere, well outside the claustrophobic culture of that moribund 70’s corpse called rock music. This is a scum sucking industry, content to keep people going round and round in a prison bubble dedicated to perpetuating myths of heroes and fame – but in reality about corporate payola from sales of useless instruments or CDs or DVDs or T-Shirts or crappy FX & digital widgets. The music meanwhile hasn’t moved on, just decayed a little more.
So what about investing in an accordian, or a saxomophone, or a drum kit, or a set of Irish pipes? Could be good, and surely much better that just being one of zillions of clones no-hopers trying to copy what a zillion others have already done on the same boring shaped planks of wood.
There is no invention or innovation in rock music anymore – all that is similarly dead, safe, sanitised, airbrushed. Zappa RIP. At the ass end of rock Damon Edge’s unhinged industrial feedback morphed into John 5’s corpo-friendly metal glam. Where is today’s Zoot Horn Rollo or Han Reichel or even Jerry Garcia?
You see, friends, Zappa was not opposed to education, just its method and above all its lack of ambition. He was self educated, and at a high enough level to lead a legendary band while penning orchestral and chamber music, and dabbling in electronica and ballet. Does this come from watching widdly instructional DVD? No! It comes from listening well outside the narrow remit of geetar music. Ives and Varese were his poison – try also Stockhausen, Messiaen, Bach, Partch etc.. Maybe dip into world musics or jazz (Bird. Monk, Sun Ra et al) or a zillion other guitar-less forms.
OK. still need that guitar? Try those non-rock players that have/had to know what they are/were doing: Chet, Scotty Moore, James Burton, Joe Pass, Charlies Chritian, John Fahey, Lenny Breau, Django, Martin Taylor etc.
But if doubts have crept in, why not ditch the plank and get a life instead. Buy that accordian, seranade your loved one with REAL tunes the world and your mum can enjoy, and save an absolute fortune on widgets and ‘better’ guitars and the other assorted parafanalia and nonesense the rock industry wants to sell you.
PS: Just think of all the sweets, comics and lashings of ginger beer you could buy instead?
Peace, HDA